Difference between revisions of "It's Not Epilepsy"

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(this is going to be the attempt to write a book about my seizures)
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(this is going to be the attempt to write a book about my seizures, hopefully the seizures don't too often prevent me from making progress on this...but I'm already struggling to stabilize to write paragraph three....)
  
 
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Revision as of 21:19, 5 January 2026

(this is going to be the attempt to write a book about my seizures, hopefully the seizures don't too often prevent me from making progress on this...but I'm already struggling to stabilize to write paragraph three....)


It's not epilepsy, but it's still a seizure. It still hurts like hell, and it's still completely debilitating. I don't lose consciousness or awareness, but I lose the ability to control my body. Sometimes that's simply being essentially paralyzed, unable to move without extreme focus, which if results in anything is a convulsion of unrelated muscles from what I was trying to move; I don't lose feeling, just the ability to move. But more often than the paralysis, is the convulsions, spasms, leaving me curled up in a ball, or stretched out bending backwards, or my arm flailing, or the side of my spine wrenching. Sometimes I lose the ability to speak, and no matter how hard I try to get words out, the signal just doesn't make it through from my brain to my vocal cords and mouth. And rarely are two seizures the exact same, though they happen more often than I can track.

The first event that I really recognized as something severely wrong with me was in October of 2001, I was 18... Though, thinking back through the five years prior to that, I recognize a few events that might have also been smaller seizures. Times that I had odd feelings of paralysis and complete exhaustion that were similar to what I've been going through in more recent years.